I have been in my condo for a few days now and even though I have been a good boy, not going out and partying, somehow things still happen in Thailand.
The first few days, I spend the majority of my time in the pool, or just walking around Jomtien Beach seeing what all there is. I haven’t ventured much future out, or into Pattaya yet. As I said, that didn’t stop me from seeing and having some crazy experiences.
Lets start off with a less crazy and more funny thing that happened.
The one day I was relaxing in the pool, enjoying the sun. There was a little girl, maybe 5 years old, not really sure how old, and her mom in the kiddy pool. Anyways, the mom decided it was time to go and was trying to dry her little girl off and get her changed. Well, this is where the funny starts.
The little girl was waiting for her chance, and when her mom turned for a split second. The little girl tossed the towel at her mom, and ran butt naked towards the pool, laughing, and saying, “I am naked, you can’t get me!” and then jumps back into the pool. Still laughing as loud as can be.
If you know my good friend Dave, this is exactly how I pictured him at that age with his mom. Oh yes, he is the same now with his soon to be wife when she tries to dry him off, and get him out of the pool.
Thinking of Dave, and watching mom chase the little girl around, I seriously could not stop laughing.
Awwww, I love not being a parent!
Another funny story is, in the building there is a little shop that sells miscellaneous items. The guy who runs it, is really nice, but doesn’t speak any English. We always somehow figure out what each other is saying. Anyways, the one day his daughter is working. I would guess she is under 10 years old. She speaks a little English and when I walk in, she takes over from Dad. Telling me each item in the store and price, and tells me what Ice Cream cone I would like and at 50 cents, I am getting one. The funny part, is when I am paying, Dad goes to run the cash register, but the girl was not having it. She takes over and does it for him and says, she is Manager, he is owner.
She has been very funny, and every time she sees me, she calls me Sir. Okay, that part isn’t funny.
Now onto the real stuff, the stuff most probably wouldn’t tell if it happened to them, but I don’t really have any shame left in me.
Massage in Thailand is really cheap, on average ranging from $6 to $11 dollars CAD and with those long flights, I need it.
I go during the day, knowing that when it gets dark, there is no such thing as a legit massage. I really didn’t want Mister Pointy to get rubbed today, I just wanted my back and neck to stop hurting.
Anyways, I see a place that looks legit and they offer a deep tissue with oil massage for 300 Bhat ($11 CAD) for 1.5 hours. Sounds good to me!
The girl giving me the massage was in her 20’s, and dressed professionally, so I think nothing of it.
During the massage, I am nude, but wrapped in a towel. This again is normal! I think!
She does a decent job on my neck and back, and then moves onto my legs. Again, decent pressure, but her hands get way to close to my coin purse, for me.
Next she starts on my gluteus muscle (outside of your ass/leg), which really does help with lower back pain.
Then it happens! Her hand goes way to close to my inside leg, and the second stroke, her finger goes into my ass hole! OMG! I jump forward, pulling on the bed sheets. I think I am tightening my ass muscle so hard, I almost give myself a stomach pain.
She stops and says, “Oh, you no want!”
I replied, “No, No! Only massage!”
She says, “Ok Sir!” and continues for another 15 minutes or so.
After the massage, I give her 300 Bhat, no tip, since I already got the tip!
I now know what a prisoner in the USA feels like the first night. I have had several massages in Thailand, and never had that happen.
On my walk, or should I say waddle home, every time a ladyboy waves and says hi. I look down, thinking that they know, somehow they know! 🙁
So much for waiting for marriage!!!
I was going to add more to this blog about the good food, etc, but I think I will stop it here, while I get a beer, and another shower.